five ways to become a better friend
“Strive to be a good friend, and you will be surrounded by good friends.” — John Wooden
Are friendships an important part of your life? I hope we’d all say yes. But while we know that friendships are crucial to our health and wellbeing, we often don’t consider how we could become better friends. Everybody wants great friends, but we rarely think about how to be a great friend.
As I was reflecting on this recently, I came up with a simple list of five ways to be a better friend. None of these require any talent, skill, or money, but as is the case with most simple things, they can be quite hard. Why? Because they force us to love our friends more than we love ourselves.
This is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully, these five suggestions will help you become a better friend to the people around you!
1. show curiosity about their life:
It’s so easy to make our friendships all about us: our thoughts, our problems, our lives. But a great friend doesn’t primarily use their friends for their own needs, but rather are more interested in the other person than themselves. They ask good questions and are curious about the answers, whether it’s what their friend enjoys about their job, what they’d like to accomplish in the future, or what key moments have shaped their lives. They ask these questions not because they have to, but because they care about the other person and want to get to know them better, even after years of friendship.
Ephesians 2:4 “Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.”
2. encourage them to be their best:
Encouragement is one of those things that we all benefit from receiving but rarely give it to others. A great friend, though, finds ways to encourage their friends, whether it’s by pointing out something that they do well or giving them hope when they experience a setback. Great friends create an atmosphere filled with positive encouragement and are always looking to give their friends a boost.
Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
Ecclesiastes 4:10 “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
3. be available:
In a world where there are a million ways to occupy our time, great friends make time to be available to their close friends. It’s easy in our individualistic culture to only spend time with others when it’s convenient or enjoyable for us. And while this doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7, great friends prioritize their close friends and create the time to invest in the relationship. They understand that you have to have quantity time before you can have quality time.
Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
Proverbs 18:24 “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
4. overlook small slights and flaws:
Everybody has quirks, weaknesses, and flaws in their personality, and the more time you spend around someone, the more you’ll get to experience all of their traits. Great friends overlook their friend’s weaknesses and problems as much as possible since they know that they have their unseen weaknesses and flaws. And when they do share something, they do so in a way that encourages and edifies their friend in a supportive way, rather than showing them up or tearing them down.
Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever would foster love covers an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”
5. hold their confidences:
Great friends are more loyal to your privacy than their popularity. As every friendship grows, each side learns sensitive details about the inner workings of the other friend’s life, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. Great friends protect that information and keep it safe, rather than using it to gossip, cut their friends down, or try to impress other people with their insider knowledge.
Proverbs 16:28 “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
conclusion
I wish it were as easy to do these five things as it is to write them down. I’ve made all of these mistakes, but with humility and grace, each of us can grow to become better friends with the people in our lives.
And if this list feels overwhelming, my suggestion is that you pick one of the five to focus on over the next few days. If you try to do all five you won’t do any, so choose one and remind yourself of it before every interaction with other people. While investing in becoming a better friend doesn’t seem like a very high priority to most people, it will pay dividends in every friendship you have for the rest of your life!
