how do you fight self-obsession?
At the root of our self-obsession is a belief in our self-importance. We all naturally want the universe to revolve around us, so we spend our lives trying to get other people to value us and make us feel important. Whether it’s through our work, our clothes, our personality, our use of money, or our Instagram profile, we often use the particulars of our lives to show others that we’re important.
Deep down, most of our problems, complaints, and frustrations with life stem from when other people don't recognize our self-importance. We believe the universe should exist for our pleasure, comfort, and happiness, so when it doesn't, we get angry, grouchy, and frustrated: who are you (boss, ex, friend, random stranger) to not recognize that I’m a very important person?
Because of this, you’ll never solve your self-obsession if you don’t first address your hunger for self-importance. Unfortunately, if you try to fill this hole for importance through human means, you might feel better for a moment, but the emptiness will always come back.
The only lasting foundation for self-importance is the Gospel. You have to build your life on and find your value in the fact that:
You are important because you were personally created by God in His image. You are His masterpiece.
You are important because even though you've rejected God, He considered a relationship with you so important that He sent His Son to die on the cross so that He could spend eternity with you.
When you fill your desire for importance through these two things, your life will no longer have to be a constant struggle to get other people to think you're important. Because let's be honest, most of our behavior as humans is an attempt to get other people as obsessed about us as we are about ourselves. That's why we fantasize about things like fame, power, achievement, power, sexual love, or pleasure.
But when I am filled up by the importance that Jesus gives me, and see His example of sacrificing His importance for the good of others, it allows me to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than myself.
I try to use this little phrase as a constant reminder to help squelch my self-obsession. Whenever I think of it, I ask myself, “How can I consider others better than myself here?”:
Before a date: how can I act so that this person has a great time, rather than using them to make me feel good about myself?
Before your commute: how can I help other people get to where they're going, rather than seeing them as obstacles to where I want to go.
Before a work meeting: how can I encourage, uplift, and strengthen the other members of the people in this meeting, rather than trying to get my way or making myself look as good as possible?
Before you hang out with friends: how can I put my friends in a position so that they can shine, rather than using them so that I shine?
Fighting self-obsession isn't easy, and it won't come naturally, but as we put off our sinful desires for self-importance and put on Christ, He promises to work in us so that we become more and more like Him: focused on loving and serving others to glorify our Father in Heaven.
