rethinking the tension between an ordinary and extraordinary life
“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” — Napoleon Hill
As you’ve gone through life, you’ve no doubt felt some level of pressure to be extraordinary. Growing up, we dream of being extraordinary, believing that it’s the pathway to honor, status, and standing out from the anonymity of the crowd.
And so we all, at some point and to some degree, hope to live an extraordinary life. This desire propels us to pursue a life of achievement, whether that’s getting a 4.0 school, finding an impressive job out of college, or making a name for ourselves in other important ways. As a culture, we obsess over individual honors and accolades, believing that these are the pathway toward an extraordinary life.
In this kind of mindset, ordinary becomes a synonym for failure. An ordinary life is seen as dull, monotonous, and unimpressive, something to be avoided at all costs. Everyone’s afraid of being ordinary, so we strive to achieve. On top of this, people who want to live an extraordinary life love to lecture everyone else on the need to do something “big” with their lives.
When I was younger, I felt this pressure to be extraordinary. Christians need to do big things, I thought, so I moved to Washington DC after college, eventually spending time in Uganda and South Sudan, before ending up in New York City. I wanted to do something extraordinary, to make my mark on the world for God.
Through living in these different places, I’ve had lots of experiences that many people consider extraordinary. But while dodging poisonous snakes in Africa or sleeping in my van in New York City sounds extraordinary to others, they’ve helped me realize that there’s no such thing as an extraordinary life. If you try to live an extraordinary life, you’ll never find it.
Why is that? Because I’ve learned that everyone’s life, no matter where you live or what you achieve, quickly becomes ordinary. Someone’s life might seem extraordinary from the outside, but when you’re the one living it, everything becomes ordinary after about two months.
All of us, no matter where you live or what you achieve, experience life as ordinary. You have to get groceries, eat food, clean your room, reply to emails, and run errands. While experiences like going to college, getting your first real job, getting married, buying a house, or becoming a parent seem extraordinary at first, the high quickly wears off from all of these things.
I suppose that even the actors and athletes who accomplish the most noteworthy things would all tell you, off camera at least, that their lives feel quite ordinary. George Clooney hasn’t been returning my texts lately, but I imagine if you asked him or any other celebrity, they would tell you that their life is very ordinary. While seeing your face at the movie theater or getting hounded for autographs everywhere would feel wild to us, to them, it’s just another day.
The fact that everyone’s life, even the ones that appear most extraordinary, becomes ordinary is a good thing, though. Imagine if our minds and bodies could never adjust to new surroundings or strange stimuli. It’s God’s blessing to us that we grow more and more comfortable in the familiar patterns and routines of life.
So why have I spent the time to point this out? Because I see many people so set on living an extraordinary life that they won’t ever embrace the ordinariness of life. They are always striving to be extraordinary, which causes them to end up in one of two empty and destructive paths:
They experience a constant restlessness for more: Even though everything that they’ve achieved has become ordinary, they still think that the next level of success with bring the endorphin rush of achievement that they’re looking for. These people are then forced to continually chase after what feels extraordinary, by traveling all over the world, eating out at nicer and nicer restaurants, and constantly upgrading their homes and possessions, hoping that leveling up every few years will give them the buzz of feeling more successful than their peers. But everything they do ends up feeling ordinary, which causes them to struggle with overworking, debt, gaining weight, and superficial relationships. The result is an empty and exhausting life spent chasing things that are ultimately superficial.
They grow angry and bitter: Lots of people who want to be extraordinary never get close, which causes them to grow angry, bitter, and disillusioned, whether that’s at their parents, hometown, culture, or God. They were going to become somebody special, yet their lives haven’t worked out that way, and so they find someone to blame for why they haven’t become extraordinary. Lots of people from the first group end up here since eventually, everyone has peers that surpass their achievements.
At this point, you might think that the solution to this obsession with living an extraordinary life is to admit your ordinariness and get on with life. There are many people out there, especially Christians, who encourage you to accept that you’re ordinary and quit trying to dream big with your life.
This group of people doesn’t struggle with the fact that all of life becomes ordinary. Instead, they glory in it, gladly embracing the routine of their day-to-day lives. They go to work, buy groceries, raise kids, scroll their phones, and go to church, content with how ordinary it all is. They comfort themselves with 1 Thessalonians 4, where Paul says, “Strive to live quietly, to attend to your own affairs, and to work with your hands.”
This group often scoffs at people who want to achieve more, seeing them as immature and foolish. They want to do the same thing year after year and do everything they can to insulate their lives from any changes, surprises, or uncertainties. Their goal isn’t to experience extraordinary things, but rather to create financial security for the future through maximizing their 401k, Roth IRA, and college savings plan.
While this second group doesn’t fall into the destructiveness of seeking an extraordinary life, they have their own problems. They don’t struggle with trying to achieve too much, but rather with leaving their comfort zone. On the whole, they don’t have big goals for growth or change but are content with the status quo.
When this group does this, though, they downplay their gifts (“Who am I to work on this big problem?”) and develop an over-reliance on the sovereignty of God (“If God wanted that thing done, He’d make it all happen Himself”). It’s so easy for this group to fall into a fatalistic “It is what it is” attitude.
They acquiesce to what’s average, as they forfeit their agency in life and avoid stepping outside of what’s comfortable. They settle into life and accept whatever happens in their country, culture, or cul-de-sac, just trying to make it through the next wave of cultural changes.
All of us naturally fall into one of these two groups, with its accompanying flaws. On top of their own shortcomings, each group lives in tension with the other one, complaining about the other side’s flaws. People who have pursued ordinary lives feel like the other side looks down on them, while people who have pursued the extraordinary feel like the other side resents them. This causes both groups to feel slighted and unappreciated by the other one.
So what is the solution to this tension between pursuing an extraordinary or ordinary life? The only way to reconcile these two ways of living is to recognize a secret of God’s kingdom: the ordinary life is where God calls people to do extraordinary things.
That’s the message that God tells us over and over in the Bible: your ordinary life is the place for God’s extraordinary work. God does His most extraordinary work, not through the rich and the powerful, but through ordinary people who have surrendered their lives to God’s kingdom. Whether that’s Moses, Rahab, Gideon, David, Esther, Daniel, Isaiah, or Peter, God is always working through ordinary people to do incredible things. The Bible makes this clear in Deuteronomy 7 when it explains why God chose the nation of Israel:
The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery.
I hope you are starting to see how this fits together. By admitting our ordinariness we aren’t disqualifying ourselves from doing important work, but rather setting ourselves up to become aqueducts for God’s grace to a world thirsting for His extraordinary love. As Dallas Willard put it, “The obviously well-kept secret of the ‘ordinary’ is that it is made to be a receptacle of the divine, a place where the life of God flows.”
So how does God transform our ordinary lives into opportunities for His extraordinary work? It happens through:
Kingdom-centered obedience: Jesus says that as we are regenerated and pursue God’s kingdom, we’ll become salt and light to a struggling world. Our obedience will shine before a watching world, turning heads and preserving our culture.
Other-centered service: when you start to love and serve the people around you, you will start to have little explosions of God-charged moments. As Jesus says, if you want to be great, you must become a servant. Service, not selfish ambition, achievement, or upward mobility is what makes for an extraordinary life.
Scandalous friendships: Jesus shows us that others-centered service in God’s kingdom always leads to scandalous friendships, where you befriend people across racial, class, and conventional boundaries. No doubt your friend circle has people in your community that it considers weird, strange, undesirable, and “unclean.” These are the people God wants us to love.
We are called to do these things, not to make God love us, but rather because they’re what Jesus did to reconcile us to God. We are to pursue these three things, not to merit God’s love but rather in response to God’s love. When we do this, a surprising thing will happen: God will show up! I don’t know how, but I know that He will.
So I encourage you to ask God to give you some Kingdom imagination, and then say yes when something inconvenient, scary, and uncomfortable pricks your conscience. Take some time to ask God this summer: “What are the ways that you’re working right now in my neighborhood? How might you want to work? How could my gifts and calling fit into that?”
We should be careful not to quench the Holy Spirit, responding to God’s nudge with Moses’ response, “You’ve got the wrong guy, God!” As Bob Goff said, “I used to think you had to be special for God to use you, but now I know you simply need to say yes.”
Do you believe that God wants to do extraordinary things in the context of your ordinary life? Do you believe that God is working in your neighborhood? We’re living in a culture that’s in decline. We have more money on average, yet we’re struggling with truth and goodness and love and community. Your neighbors, your coworkers, your school system, your local politics, and your communities are yearning for God’s kingdom. They don’t know it, but that’s what they need.
Of course, you can’t do everything, but you can do something. I challenge you to ask God, “God, show me where I can use my life to serve your kingdom in all of the ordinary ways around. Show me enemies that I can love, haters to walk the extra mile with, and Samaritans to serve.” An extraordinary life comes not through climbing the ladder of success and achievement, but through following Jesus in dying to self and pouring out your life for others.
We need to remember what Jesus told His disciples when they were doubting whether God would work, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” This is why William Carey, the first missionary to China, could encourage Christians everywhere, to: “Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.”
I came across this poem by William Martin called, “Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive” which gets at this tension between the ordinary and extraordinary.
Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself.
As you dig into the ordinariness of your life, you have the opportunity to serve God in important ways, whether you’re called to live in a giant city or a tiny town. Your life may be unnoticed, but if you surrender it to God’s kingdom, it will never be ordinary. As Tim Challies wrote: “We please God—we thrill God—when we live as ordinary people in ordinary lives who use our ordinary circumstances to proclaim and live out an extraordinary gospel.”
I wasn’t planning on writing this much on this topic, but I hope that something here has pricked your heart. I hope you will give up your small ambitions, either for excitement or security, and join the simultaneously ordinary and extraordinary work of God’s kingdom. Like fireworks on a dark night, God's grace will break through our ordinary lives to display His glory and goodness.
